I was surprised to find that some of my children's school friends had terrible reactions to having to do the NAPLAN tests at school a couple of months back. For those of you who may be reading this from outside of Australia; NAPLAN stands for National Assessment Program - Literacy and Numeracy. An assessment that all children in Australia do each year when they are in year 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9, which cover Reading, Writing, Language Conventions
(Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation) and Numeracy.
I am very fortunate that the 2 of my boys who were involved this year actually looked forward to it. They take after their mum - I have always loved sitting for examinations at school and university. What I never enjoyed was the written assignments that hung over me for weeks and weeks before I actually sat down and did them. I like things that happen quickly - I have limited patience for waiting for things in life in general.
What it highlighted to me is that we are all so different and cope differently with challenges in our lives. I think it is such a shame that children who find it so stressful that they are physically ill or begin the year 3 school year with the NAPLAN test as the forethought in their mind, are still mandated to sit the test. Surely that would affect the validity of their results. But it is what it is, so we (and they) in reality, have to deal with it. I love the teachers who make sure the children understand that the school is the 'who' that is being judged because in all honesty that is the bottom line. The test will not affect the child or their life in any way (honestly, do you think at a job interview in 2026 they'll ask whether you were within the average range of students for grammar and punctuation?)
A friend of mine said she would not let her daughter see her results - good on you. If it will affect her negatively then why would you?
I do encourage those of you who have children sitting this test next year (or any year) to let them know it just doesn't matter.
I told my boys to read questions properly, take their time (I have one who thinks it's a race to the end of the paper) and not to leave any answers blank (a guess is as good as a miss). Remind them that this is a test to make sure the school is teaching them everything they need to know, so it's important but not something to be worried about.
I believe in always doing your best - in everything you do, but I also believe that we aren't all meant to fit into the same mould. I've said it before, if there was a drawing component on the NAPLAN I would not feel so happy about the whole thing! Our children will shine in the way they were meant to, but don't let them falter over the "meaningless" things. It's our job to make the big things seem so much more their size.
Friday, 5 October 2012
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
Feeding the troops
Every day is a crisis! What am I going to feed this lot tonight? At the moment with life so busy I never have enough ingredients to create even the most basic meals. I barely have time to shop, let alone cook! Andrew and I are on a low carb diet and the baby still needs different meals, luckily the other 4 just eat what they're given. I try to give the kids a protein, vegetables and a carbohydrate with each meal. And I will admit, on nights where we rush home from work, and have to get ready for the gym almost immediately, it's often nuggets or fish fingers, frozen veges and a slice of bread!
It is really hard to find low cost, time thrifty recipes that still maintain a healthy, balanced diet. I do not even want to think about my food bill in 10 (or even 5) years time! Harrison has just hit 10 and can consume almost as much as us! A loaf of bread lasts 1 day and 2 litres of milk 2 days if we're lucky. I made chilli con carne last night and I used 1kg of mince and there were no leftovers.
I have tried to plan ahead and write out a month of meals, but it always falls by the wayside before a week's out. I do have a few throw together meals. and chilli con carne is one of them. I know that they all love it and most of the ingredients are from the pantry. http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/12947/chilli+con+carne I just serve it with rice, grated cheese and sour cream and they gobble it up.
Another favourite is tuna pasta bake and surprisingly zucchini slice is too. Every cook has pantry staples and I feel naked if I don't have canned tomatoes, canned beans (cannellini, kidney or chickpeas), eggs, rice and pasta. The boys have had many a throw together meal, and sometimes they like those better than the ones that take hours to prepare and execute.
I would love to know if anyone has any easy meals for children that they have tried and tested.
It is really hard to find low cost, time thrifty recipes that still maintain a healthy, balanced diet. I do not even want to think about my food bill in 10 (or even 5) years time! Harrison has just hit 10 and can consume almost as much as us! A loaf of bread lasts 1 day and 2 litres of milk 2 days if we're lucky. I made chilli con carne last night and I used 1kg of mince and there were no leftovers.
I have tried to plan ahead and write out a month of meals, but it always falls by the wayside before a week's out. I do have a few throw together meals. and chilli con carne is one of them. I know that they all love it and most of the ingredients are from the pantry. http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/12947/chilli+con+carne I just serve it with rice, grated cheese and sour cream and they gobble it up.
Another favourite is tuna pasta bake and surprisingly zucchini slice is too. Every cook has pantry staples and I feel naked if I don't have canned tomatoes, canned beans (cannellini, kidney or chickpeas), eggs, rice and pasta. The boys have had many a throw together meal, and sometimes they like those better than the ones that take hours to prepare and execute.
I would love to know if anyone has any easy meals for children that they have tried and tested.
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
sanity in numbers
I had a lovely talk with a good friend today. The subject itself wasn't lovely, we were comparing notes about our sons who both have ADHD. What was wonderful was that we were able to share our experiences and discuss the topic knowing that each of us totally 'got' what the other was talking (and crying) about.
I know I have said it before, and I know I will say it uncountable times again; parenting is THE hardest task on earth.One of the best...no... the best resource parents have available to them are other parents. "Other parents" fall into two categories - parents who have children the same age as yours and those who have been there before. The first category are very useful for having a reciprocal whinge with and they might even have tips to share too! The second category are invaluable to listen to. Too many mums and dads think they need to re-invent the wheel all on their own. Surprisingly, parenting has been done before! (yes, you should even listen to your mum and - dare I say it - your mother-in-law!)
Mum's groups are no accident! They have developed through clever, like-minded mums gathering to be a crutch and spirit-guide for each other. I was a regular attendee with number 1 and 2 (I dream about those slower-paced days) and I miss the regular purging of concern and helplessness. I had to try 2 or 3 until I found one where I felt like I fit, but it was truly worth it! I am fortunate in the position I am in now to be able to talk to many different mums and dads every single day. Sometimes I give advice and sometimes I get it! (We have quite a few grandmothers who come to Funkee Monkees!)
We like to think we will be able to parent effortlessly and that we just 'know' how to raise our children. Don't get me wrong I think we do a fabulous job most of the time and there is a huge amount of instinct involved. I think it would be silly, though, to refuse the advice of others more experienced than ourselves. I remember when I was expecting my first baby, I was going to use only cloth nappies, not use a dummy and feed him only home-cooked food. Well.....I tried cloth nappies for 1 day and after changing Harrison's outfit about 3 times in 1 hour I ripped open the disposables (sorry Lotte), I should have used a dummy because stopping a little boy from thumb-sucking is sooo much harder than throwing out a few dummies and after burning myself out (and a couple of saucepans which I forgot about) trying to stew fruit, I went to the IGA and bought a few dozen jars. I thought I knew it all, I thought it would be easy and I thought I would do everything perfectly. None of those have been true.
Somewhere along the way during 10 years of parenting learned to listen to advice. Of course, I don't mean blindly follow what is suggested to you, but actually hear what people are gracious enough to pass on to you, and consider blending it with your own way of doing things. Be open to advice and listen eagerly to the stories of parents.
My friend is a little bit further down the ADHD road than we are and I am so grateful that she is willing to share what is sometimes a painful part of her family life. I value her as much as I value the medical professionals who help us.
I know I have said it before, and I know I will say it uncountable times again; parenting is THE hardest task on earth.
Mum's groups are no accident! They have developed through clever, like-minded mums gathering to be a crutch and spirit-guide for each other. I was a regular attendee with number 1 and 2 (I dream about those slower-paced days) and I miss the regular purging of concern and helplessness. I had to try 2 or 3 until I found one where I felt like I fit, but it was truly worth it! I am fortunate in the position I am in now to be able to talk to many different mums and dads every single day. Sometimes I give advice and sometimes I get it! (We have quite a few grandmothers who come to Funkee Monkees!)
We like to think we will be able to parent effortlessly and that we just 'know' how to raise our children. Don't get me wrong I think we do a fabulous job most of the time and there is a huge amount of instinct involved. I think it would be silly, though, to refuse the advice of others more experienced than ourselves. I remember when I was expecting my first baby, I was going to use only cloth nappies, not use a dummy and feed him only home-cooked food. Well.....I tried cloth nappies for 1 day and after changing Harrison's outfit about 3 times in 1 hour I ripped open the disposables (sorry Lotte), I should have used a dummy because stopping a little boy from thumb-sucking is sooo much harder than throwing out a few dummies and after burning myself out (and a couple of saucepans which I forgot about) trying to stew fruit, I went to the IGA and bought a few dozen jars. I thought I knew it all, I thought it would be easy and I thought I would do everything perfectly. None of those have been true.
Somewhere along the way during 10 years of parenting learned to listen to advice. Of course, I don't mean blindly follow what is suggested to you, but actually hear what people are gracious enough to pass on to you, and consider blending it with your own way of doing things. Be open to advice and listen eagerly to the stories of parents.
My friend is a little bit further down the ADHD road than we are and I am so grateful that she is willing to share what is sometimes a painful part of her family life. I value her as much as I value the medical professionals who help us.
Saturday, 21 April 2012
....and babies make 7
Whenever I tell people I have 5 children I am greeted with something akin to incredule! When I tell them they are all boys there is a second sharp intake of breath. I am told often that Mothers of many boys go straight to Heaven (one can hope I suppose) and other consolatory platitudes. It's sweet, but I don't believe there is a multiplying factor, once you are a parent you deserve to be commended. I always wanted a large family and eventually I talked Andrew into it too. I was perfectly happy with my 4 boys, then I got a bonus with Aedan. I'm often asked if I was trying for a girl, but I never have.
I don't believe there is a perfect number, and I have heard so many different stories about family size. There is controversy too! (but I guess there is always someone ready to criticise everyone about something!) Some say it's putting strain on the planet others say we need more of the younger generations to help support our country as our population ages. Some parents feel pressure from family to have more or less children. Honestly, I believe it is something highly personal, in fact, you can't really get much more personal.
There are absolutely positives and negatives for every case. Personally, I look into the future and see lots of family get-togethers with lots of grandchildren (I guess we'll see about that). I hope that my boys all stay close and have a big network of support and friendship. At the moment though it is bloody hard work. The question I hear most is; "How do you do it?" and my answer is always "one day at a time", and that is true, if you asked me what I was doing next Tuesday, I couldn't tell you until next Monday evening! Each day is exhausting because listening to 5 children, talking to 5 children and disciplining 5 children is exactly 5 times harder than doing it with 1.
Honestly, there are days when I ask myself why I have 5 children and think about how lovely it would be to do life with 1 or 2 little ones to care for, but when I look at each face I already know the answer. I have a very dear friend who is a generation older that me, and I remember talking to her about the decision to have a 3rd baby, I really felt like I wanted to have another one and I was concerned that I would never stop having this desire to have another baby. She told me that she had felt the same way after her second child but after her third, the feeling went away and she felt complete. Obviously, I went ahead and had number three but I still felt the same way, and finally after number four I knew what she meant. I was satisfied and very happy with 4.
I have friends who say they felt the exact same way, but some have felt it at 1, 2, 3, 4 and to a much lesser extent 5 and more! I have no advice to give on the right number because I can only speak from personal experience, but if you would like to tell us about your family dynamics I would love to hear about how the number of children you have affects your life.
I don't believe there is a perfect number, and I have heard so many different stories about family size. There is controversy too! (but I guess there is always someone ready to criticise everyone about something!) Some say it's putting strain on the planet others say we need more of the younger generations to help support our country as our population ages. Some parents feel pressure from family to have more or less children. Honestly, I believe it is something highly personal, in fact, you can't really get much more personal.
There are absolutely positives and negatives for every case. Personally, I look into the future and see lots of family get-togethers with lots of grandchildren (I guess we'll see about that). I hope that my boys all stay close and have a big network of support and friendship. At the moment though it is bloody hard work. The question I hear most is; "How do you do it?" and my answer is always "one day at a time", and that is true, if you asked me what I was doing next Tuesday, I couldn't tell you until next Monday evening! Each day is exhausting because listening to 5 children, talking to 5 children and disciplining 5 children is exactly 5 times harder than doing it with 1.
Honestly, there are days when I ask myself why I have 5 children and think about how lovely it would be to do life with 1 or 2 little ones to care for, but when I look at each face I already know the answer. I have a very dear friend who is a generation older that me, and I remember talking to her about the decision to have a 3rd baby, I really felt like I wanted to have another one and I was concerned that I would never stop having this desire to have another baby. She told me that she had felt the same way after her second child but after her third, the feeling went away and she felt complete. Obviously, I went ahead and had number three but I still felt the same way, and finally after number four I knew what she meant. I was satisfied and very happy with 4.
I have friends who say they felt the exact same way, but some have felt it at 1, 2, 3, 4 and to a much lesser extent 5 and more! I have no advice to give on the right number because I can only speak from personal experience, but if you would like to tell us about your family dynamics I would love to hear about how the number of children you have affects your life.
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Manners matter
Excuse me for this post, I am going to rant! I have noticed that there is a movement towards throwing common courtesy out the window. Maybe I'm just getting cynical in my old age, but it seems that every day of my life I come across someone who believes it is okay to treat others around them as though they are insignificant.
It's not just the younger generations either; it seems to be proliferating from everywhere. My concern, though, is our children. I believe it is VITAL for parents to start a child's life with ENFORCING please, thank you, excuse me and sorry. I have capitalised the two words above because I feel strongly that it has to be done and done without relent. Every single time a child is offered or asks for something there needs to be a mandatory please or thank you in order for the deal to be closed, or complacency will set in. Children learn by repetition and we are their first and most important teachers.
I may sound over-dramatic but without a foundation there is nothing to build on. There is nothing wrong with respecting others, it isn't infringing on their rights as human beings (that seems to be an excuse for not having to do many things these days) in fact isn't "treating others as we wish to be treated" making the world a better place for all of us?
A lady (???) bumped into me last week and she looked at me with contempt. I was floored, I was wholly expecting a "sorry" I even had the words "no worries" ready to speak. Okay, she may have been having the worst day of her life and I try to remember that every time someone disappoints me in the manners department, but come on!
These little things make the people who help us, serve us and put themselves out for us deserve our appreciation and respect. I would love to see a waiter take a plate away from a diner who didn't say thank you!
If my 3 oldest boys don't spontaneously give a please, thank you and excuse me when it is necessary there are consequences. Hamish needs reminding now and again, but he has a bit of time to get there. I want my boys to be grateful for everything they are given; tangible or intangible. Every gift, opportunity or experience. We are all on this earth together, I think it's time people stopped thinking they inhabit the planet on their own.
Sorry if I have been too political.
It's not just the younger generations either; it seems to be proliferating from everywhere. My concern, though, is our children. I believe it is VITAL for parents to start a child's life with ENFORCING please, thank you, excuse me and sorry. I have capitalised the two words above because I feel strongly that it has to be done and done without relent. Every single time a child is offered or asks for something there needs to be a mandatory please or thank you in order for the deal to be closed, or complacency will set in. Children learn by repetition and we are their first and most important teachers.
I may sound over-dramatic but without a foundation there is nothing to build on. There is nothing wrong with respecting others, it isn't infringing on their rights as human beings (that seems to be an excuse for not having to do many things these days) in fact isn't "treating others as we wish to be treated" making the world a better place for all of us?
A lady (???) bumped into me last week and she looked at me with contempt. I was floored, I was wholly expecting a "sorry" I even had the words "no worries" ready to speak. Okay, she may have been having the worst day of her life and I try to remember that every time someone disappoints me in the manners department, but come on!
These little things make the people who help us, serve us and put themselves out for us deserve our appreciation and respect. I would love to see a waiter take a plate away from a diner who didn't say thank you!
If my 3 oldest boys don't spontaneously give a please, thank you and excuse me when it is necessary there are consequences. Hamish needs reminding now and again, but he has a bit of time to get there. I want my boys to be grateful for everything they are given; tangible or intangible. Every gift, opportunity or experience. We are all on this earth together, I think it's time people stopped thinking they inhabit the planet on their own.
Sorry if I have been too political.
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Celebrating the individual
This time I'm asking for advice!
It has amazed me that all of my boys have such different gifts and abilities. Connor (8 years old) has an unbelievable ability to draw (and he can sing too!)
Declan sat down to draw a picture a few days ago, and it was a perfectly fine drawing for a 6 year old (in fact probably better than I could do) but even he noticed that it wasn't a masterpiece like Connor always manages to produce, and he got quite upset about it. I praised him, and told him it was a fabulous picture, and I put it on the fridge. It didn't fool him though, it didn't make him feel any better.
Yes, we always talk about Connor's drawing ability, but I'm sure I put as much enthusiasm into Declan's praise. We always talk about the things that each of us are good at, and make a point of praising each member of our family's uniqueness. I guess it's a pretty big status symbol to be good at drawing at their age! Can't say that I know anything about that, because I have never been able to draw a stick figure with any success, but I can remember being at school and being in awe of the drawings of my peers. I could write a mean poem, though!
When I was teaching I always encouraged children to find their "thing", whether it be a sport, an academic ability, an ability in one of the arts or having altruistic tendencies....whatever! I was the first one to tell my students I can't draw, play sports to any ability level and so many other things, but I can spell, write and know my times tables back to front!
My point is, how do you celebrate one child, without making the other feel a little left out. "Every dog has his day", and I'm the first one to tell my kids to "get over it". But sometimes even a hardened mum like myself, feels pangs of sympathy for them. I am certainly not a parent who gives the other children "a little something" on their sibling's birthday. I do believe that children need to learn that it's not all about them in this world. I try to spend a little bit of quality time with each of them individually (with 5 of them it really is a "little" bit), but I'm really not sure what else I can do.
He probably doesn't even remember the picture or the feelings he had about it, but I would like to feel a little more confident about what to do next time this situation pops up with the boys. Can I add, I am soooo not looking forward to the whole girlfriends season of life!!!
It has amazed me that all of my boys have such different gifts and abilities. Connor (8 years old) has an unbelievable ability to draw (and he can sing too!)
Declan sat down to draw a picture a few days ago, and it was a perfectly fine drawing for a 6 year old (in fact probably better than I could do) but even he noticed that it wasn't a masterpiece like Connor always manages to produce, and he got quite upset about it. I praised him, and told him it was a fabulous picture, and I put it on the fridge. It didn't fool him though, it didn't make him feel any better.
Yes, we always talk about Connor's drawing ability, but I'm sure I put as much enthusiasm into Declan's praise. We always talk about the things that each of us are good at, and make a point of praising each member of our family's uniqueness. I guess it's a pretty big status symbol to be good at drawing at their age! Can't say that I know anything about that, because I have never been able to draw a stick figure with any success, but I can remember being at school and being in awe of the drawings of my peers. I could write a mean poem, though!
When I was teaching I always encouraged children to find their "thing", whether it be a sport, an academic ability, an ability in one of the arts or having altruistic tendencies....whatever! I was the first one to tell my students I can't draw, play sports to any ability level and so many other things, but I can spell, write and know my times tables back to front!
My point is, how do you celebrate one child, without making the other feel a little left out. "Every dog has his day", and I'm the first one to tell my kids to "get over it". But sometimes even a hardened mum like myself, feels pangs of sympathy for them. I am certainly not a parent who gives the other children "a little something" on their sibling's birthday. I do believe that children need to learn that it's not all about them in this world. I try to spend a little bit of quality time with each of them individually (with 5 of them it really is a "little" bit), but I'm really not sure what else I can do.
He probably doesn't even remember the picture or the feelings he had about it, but I would like to feel a little more confident about what to do next time this situation pops up with the boys. Can I add, I am soooo not looking forward to the whole girlfriends season of life!!!
Monday, 9 April 2012
Little Mrs Not-So-Perfect
Well according to every ad on TV I am sorely lacking in every way, shape and form! Have you noticed that every mother who is depicted in ads look absolutely stunning (don't count the RACQ ads!) has an immaculate house, dresses their children impeccably, makes gourmet meals for dinner every night and has a husband who gazes at them lovingly whilst she wipes away the one little smudge on the stove top that she carelessly plopped there in a moment of imperfection. Oh, and she never raises her voice or stops smiling.
Bahaha!
I hope I'm correct in my assumption that I am not the only one whose life is so far from this depiction and that others also become mildly irritated every time one shows up in the middle of The Biggest Loser or Revenge! I know that it's all marketing (Zali, you know how they roll) but it does nothing for the self-esteem of hard-working, every-day mums.
I'm going to be honest, and tell you that my kitchen is not always cleaned up straight after dinner and my benches are full of broken toys that I said I'd fix months ago, school notes and awards, baby bottles and this week Easter egg wrappers! I aspire to have a clutter-free kitchen, with only a bowl full of ripe fruit as adornment, but I constantly fail. My lounge room is a conglomerate of DVDs out of their case, Wii remotes and matchbox toys (at the moment there is no lego or random bits of junk because Aedan would have them in his mouth in a flash). My double garage only fits one car. The kid's bathroom is rarely without toothpaste splatters on the mirror and we won't talk about their toilet (4 boys remember!) I have been to many friend's homes that look exactly like mine and I still respect all of them and think of them as amazing women and fantastic mothers.
It's taken me a long time to get to the place where I've stopped giving myself a hard time about my household imperfection. I remember (and I still occasionally have a mini-breakdown about the mess or the pile of washing at the end of my bed) letting myself get worked-up about the chaos around me and wasting so much energy on criticising myself. Finally, after a decade of being a mother, I am comfortable with choosing other things as my priorities. I have chosen my business (because I have to). I have chosen my family (because I love them). I have chosen going to the gym (because I need to and I love it).
My husband couldn't care less and in-fact has been the biggest advocate for "getting over it", and I have started to worry less about what my Mother thinks (yes okay, I do a mad dash around before she gets here!) My boys are absolutely oblivious to mess (aagghhhh!) and they do not know what a washing basket is, so they certainly don't think any less of me. My biggest critic is me and I am trying hard to let go of the unobtainable image of perfection that my TV keeps showing me and although I find the RACQ ads so utterly annoying http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKin2cSnb5Q, part of me likes to think they're closer to reality than that ad with the disposable anti-bacterial kitchen wipes. I can't believe I wipe my benches with a cloth!
Bahaha!
I hope I'm correct in my assumption that I am not the only one whose life is so far from this depiction and that others also become mildly irritated every time one shows up in the middle of The Biggest Loser or Revenge! I know that it's all marketing (Zali, you know how they roll) but it does nothing for the self-esteem of hard-working, every-day mums.
I'm going to be honest, and tell you that my kitchen is not always cleaned up straight after dinner and my benches are full of broken toys that I said I'd fix months ago, school notes and awards, baby bottles and this week Easter egg wrappers! I aspire to have a clutter-free kitchen, with only a bowl full of ripe fruit as adornment, but I constantly fail. My lounge room is a conglomerate of DVDs out of their case, Wii remotes and matchbox toys (at the moment there is no lego or random bits of junk because Aedan would have them in his mouth in a flash). My double garage only fits one car. The kid's bathroom is rarely without toothpaste splatters on the mirror and we won't talk about their toilet (4 boys remember!) I have been to many friend's homes that look exactly like mine and I still respect all of them and think of them as amazing women and fantastic mothers.
It's taken me a long time to get to the place where I've stopped giving myself a hard time about my household imperfection. I remember (and I still occasionally have a mini-breakdown about the mess or the pile of washing at the end of my bed) letting myself get worked-up about the chaos around me and wasting so much energy on criticising myself. Finally, after a decade of being a mother, I am comfortable with choosing other things as my priorities. I have chosen my business (because I have to). I have chosen my family (because I love them). I have chosen going to the gym (because I need to and I love it).
My husband couldn't care less and in-fact has been the biggest advocate for "getting over it", and I have started to worry less about what my Mother thinks (yes okay, I do a mad dash around before she gets here!) My boys are absolutely oblivious to mess (aagghhhh!) and they do not know what a washing basket is, so they certainly don't think any less of me. My biggest critic is me and I am trying hard to let go of the unobtainable image of perfection that my TV keeps showing me and although I find the RACQ ads so utterly annoying http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKin2cSnb5Q, part of me likes to think they're closer to reality than that ad with the disposable anti-bacterial kitchen wipes. I can't believe I wipe my benches with a cloth!
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