sanity in numbers

I had a lovely talk with a good friend today.  The subject itself wasn't lovely, we were comparing notes about our sons who both have ADHD.  What was wonderful was that we were able to share our experiences and discuss the topic knowing that each of us totally 'got' what the other was talking (and crying) about.

I know I have said it before, and I know I will say it uncountable times again; parenting is THE hardest task on earth.  One of the best...no... the best resource parents have available to them are other parents.  "Other parents" fall into two categories - parents who have children the same age as yours and those who have been there before.  The first category are very useful for having a reciprocal whinge with and they might even have tips to share too!  The second category are invaluable to listen to.  Too many mums and dads think they need to re-invent the wheel all on their own.  Surprisingly, parenting has been done before!  (yes, you should even listen to your mum and - dare I say it - your mother-in-law!) 

Mum's groups are no accident!  They have developed through clever, like-minded mums gathering to be a crutch and spirit-guide for each other.  I was a regular attendee with number 1 and 2 (I dream about those slower-paced days) and I miss the regular purging of concern and helplessness.  I had to try 2 or 3 until I found one where I felt like I fit, but it was truly worth it!   I am fortunate in the position I am in now to be able to talk to many different mums and dads every single day.  Sometimes I give advice and sometimes I get it! (We have quite a few grandmothers who come to Funkee Monkees!)

We like to think we will be able to parent effortlessly and that we just 'know' how to raise our children.  Don't get me wrong I think we do a fabulous job most of the time and there is a huge amount of instinct involved.  I think it would be silly, though, to refuse the advice of others more experienced than ourselves.  I remember when I was expecting my first baby, I was going to use only cloth nappies, not use a dummy and feed him only home-cooked food.  Well.....I tried cloth nappies for 1 day and after changing Harrison's outfit about 3 times in 1 hour I ripped open the disposables (sorry Lotte), I should have used a dummy because stopping a little boy from thumb-sucking is sooo much harder than throwing out a few dummies and after burning myself out (and a couple of saucepans which I forgot about) trying to stew fruit, I went to the IGA and bought a few dozen jars.  I thought I knew it all, I thought it would be easy and I thought I would do everything perfectly.  None of those have been true.

Somewhere along the way during 10 years of parenting learned to listen to advice.  Of course, I don't mean blindly follow what is suggested to you, but actually hear what people are gracious enough to pass on to you, and consider blending it with your own way of doing things.  Be open to advice and listen eagerly to the stories of parents.

My friend is a little bit further down the ADHD road than we are and I am so grateful that she is willing to share what is sometimes a painful part of her family life.  I value her as much as I value the medical professionals who help us.