Babies are amazing. When you think about how much they have to learn in such a short time, we should be (and we usually are) in awe of them. Having watched (and watching) my 5 boys go from useless to super-functional has been exciting and the best part is every single one of them have been different.
They have achieved new things in different orders, different ways and to different levels of ability. One example is the first tooth; Harrison's first tooth came at 10 months, Connor was 8 months, Declan was 6 months, Hamish was 9 months, and Aedan is 7 months and still waiting! My nephew was over 1 year before he got his first tooth and we all know the stories about babies who have been born with a tooth or two. My point is, they all get them, but there is no definite and correct age for that to happen. It works for everything that our little ones do; from rolling their little bodies over to saying their first full sentence. I remember Declan rolling over at 4 weeks old and speaking in sentences at 18 months; and yet one of the others didn't roll til 12 weeks and another didn't speak well til about 2 and a half.
My advice is not to worry about it until you need to worry about it. What I am trying to say is always keep a Mother's Eye on your growing baby, toddler and young child; but don't ever, ever, ever compare your child to someone else's, or even your other children. I have learned that if there is something not quite right with your child, that Mothers (and Fathers too), just know! Don't succumb to peer pressure and get involved in competition with those who think first is best. Your baby's brain is developing as it should, and it is such an amazing and complex thing that a brain could not possibly do things the same way twice, there are just too many neurons and synapses to map the same course again. While one baby's brain is surging ahead in the learn how to crawl area, the next baby's brain is working on speech.
But always trust your instinct.
I have two examples of this, which I have experienced (both with the same child, coincidentally). When Declan was about 14 months old, I picked him up from child care and his arm was hanging by his side and every time I touched him, he would whimper. Knowing my own child (and how oblivious to pain he usually was) I knew that something wasn't right. Off I went to the emergency room (I know it so well now!) and told the doctor (how dare I!) that I believed that Declan's arm was broken. He spent so little time looking at it (and squeezing it) and then stated arrogantly "It's not broken! He has had a dislocated elbow, but it has popped back in!" I disagreed with him because another one of my boy's had that wonderful experience, and this was very different. Even the nurse tried to interject with the suggestion of an x-ray, but he would have none of it! We were sent home, but the next day those niggling, mother doubts were telling me that the doctor was wrong. I went to my GP, who agreed with me and sent Declan for an xray. There it was! Both bones were fractured! My GP phoned ahead and we were met at the front desk by the head of emergency (damage control!) and she plastered Declan's arm herself.
My next example is a long story, and I'm sure I'll mention it many times in future posts. But just briefly, when Declan was 18 months old we noticed that his behaviour was becoming quite challenging. He was very easy to tantrum and very defiant. Being number 3 was fortunate for him, because we had a little bit of experience as parents. Our first child was very easy (and still is - so far!) but number two had given us a run for our money; but this was different. We didn't worry too much, but we did keep a Mother's Eye on him. He got worse... and worse... and worse, and all through this time we had a lot of people giving advice and opinions including families, friends, a psychologist and our GP. Eventually, to cut a very long story short, we went to a psychiatrist and Declan (who is 6 years old now) has now been diagnosed with ADHD and is taking medication to assist his behaviour. It is working so well, and I thank God every day for giving me the strength to push on for his diagnosis.
I just knew.
Now, back to where I was going. Accept (and embrace) that your child will be different to everyone else in the world, don't let other people put doubts into your head, and at the same time don't let them dissuade you from your own feelings of concern.
Friday 30 March 2012
Saturday 24 March 2012
How much is enough?
As you may or may not know, I have 5 sons, ranging in age from almost 10 years to 7 months old. As you can imagine we have every boy-type toy on Earth. I often look at this huge mound of stuff and wonder when the last time was that any of it was actually played with.
When each birthday and Christmas came around I found myself unable to think of a gift to buy that we didn't already have somewhere in one of the many, many toy boxes. One day, it occurred to me that the word birthday, should not have to equate with "give me lots of things"! I decided that I was not going to buy my children birthday presents anymore. I told them that instead of presents we would do something, of their choice (within reason), as a family, to celebrate their birthday.
I had a conversation with my boys about how much we have; in comparison to how little, others around the world have. They have a fairly good understanding of this, because the boy's school participates in providing fund-raising for Tanzania. To my surprise, the boys actually embraced the idea, but I was still dubious as to how they would react in practice
My oldest son's 8th birthday was the first test, and I watched his face as I handed him only a birthday card. Amazingly, there was no flicker of disappointment, and he thanked me for his card. (We were in Sydney on a well-timed 3-day holiday which I believe made it a little easier!) It was a great example for his brothers, and we have had quite a few birthdays since then; all present free!
We still celebrate Christmas with gifts and they do receive birthday presents from Grandparents, but the boys all know that birthday does not equal gifts from Mum and Dad. When I tell others about our tradition I am met with incredulous looks. I feel brave doing this because it really is anti-conformity. My husband and I don't give gifts to each other either; not for birthdays, anniversaries or Christmas. I have to say though, the odd bunch of flowers is nice!
Our boys want for nothing, and missing out on moulded plastic and metal on their birthday is not going to do them any harm and I am hoping it will teach them a little about excessivity. Maybe.
When each birthday and Christmas came around I found myself unable to think of a gift to buy that we didn't already have somewhere in one of the many, many toy boxes. One day, it occurred to me that the word birthday, should not have to equate with "give me lots of things"! I decided that I was not going to buy my children birthday presents anymore. I told them that instead of presents we would do something, of their choice (within reason), as a family, to celebrate their birthday.
I had a conversation with my boys about how much we have; in comparison to how little, others around the world have. They have a fairly good understanding of this, because the boy's school participates in providing fund-raising for Tanzania. To my surprise, the boys actually embraced the idea, but I was still dubious as to how they would react in practice
My oldest son's 8th birthday was the first test, and I watched his face as I handed him only a birthday card. Amazingly, there was no flicker of disappointment, and he thanked me for his card. (We were in Sydney on a well-timed 3-day holiday which I believe made it a little easier!) It was a great example for his brothers, and we have had quite a few birthdays since then; all present free!
We still celebrate Christmas with gifts and they do receive birthday presents from Grandparents, but the boys all know that birthday does not equal gifts from Mum and Dad. When I tell others about our tradition I am met with incredulous looks. I feel brave doing this because it really is anti-conformity. My husband and I don't give gifts to each other either; not for birthdays, anniversaries or Christmas. I have to say though, the odd bunch of flowers is nice!
Our boys want for nothing, and missing out on moulded plastic and metal on their birthday is not going to do them any harm and I am hoping it will teach them a little about excessivity. Maybe.
Judge, jury and ....
An issue close to my heart is tantrums. Not that I love them, but I have had to come to terms with embracing them (if you can't beat 'em join 'em)! Correct me if I'm wrong, but every child has them (albeit some more than others).
Now, the purpose of this piece of writing is to make you feel better when your children take their turn. If you don't have a child who has reached the "wonderful" age of 3 yet, then you may not know what I am talking about (or maybe you have an early starter - I had one of those), but you will. My plea to the parents of under-3s is not to judge those of us who are living in this season. It is heart-wrenching, peace-shattering, soul-destroying..... If you think I am being over-dramatic, I am actually understating how terrible it is!
The feeling of being in the middle of a crowded shopping centre while the 3 year-old love of your life is flailing around on the filthy floor whilst emitting a sound that is a little less than sound-barrier level, is just awful. What makes it worse is when you look around hoping for a supportive smile or someone who looks like they might know how you feel, and instead, you get disapproving glares, shaking heads and a chorus of tut-tuts. And this is from mothers, grand-mothers and not-quite-yet mothers?!
Have you all forgotten? Have you blocked it from your memory in the hope that you can pretend to your friends, daughters and daughters-in-law that your child NEVER dared behave like that? Well I call your bluff, they did. They all do.
The old adage is true, "Do not judge someone until you have walked in their shoes". If you don't yet have a 3 year old, then please; "Do not judge, lest ye be judged harsher"! It's the hormones, and unless you're willing to have your child's endocrine system removed it is better to be prepared than kid yourself that you will not succumb to this stage.
Yesterday I saw a mother who, in my opinion, is a champion. Her beautiful little 3-year-old was being, well... a 3-year-old; she did the best thing anyone can do for a little boy in this situation. She gave an instruction with a consequence, and when he didn't respond favourably she FOLLOWED THROUGH! She took him home kicking and screaming, it was heavenly! She said she was embarrassed, but I made sure she knew I thought she was a hero. Before this child reaches the seemingly elusive age of 4, he will be a wonderful little member of society. Stick with it, persevere and never give up; you will beat the tantrum...eventually!
I want to encourage anyone who is reading this to take the time to give a little support to mums-of-3s that you may come across and let them know with a smile or a well-meaning word. My desire is to champion a movement of parents who purposefully support each other in this difficult task of parenting.
Cheers
Now, the purpose of this piece of writing is to make you feel better when your children take their turn. If you don't have a child who has reached the "wonderful" age of 3 yet, then you may not know what I am talking about (or maybe you have an early starter - I had one of those), but you will. My plea to the parents of under-3s is not to judge those of us who are living in this season. It is heart-wrenching, peace-shattering, soul-destroying..... If you think I am being over-dramatic, I am actually understating how terrible it is!
The feeling of being in the middle of a crowded shopping centre while the 3 year-old love of your life is flailing around on the filthy floor whilst emitting a sound that is a little less than sound-barrier level, is just awful. What makes it worse is when you look around hoping for a supportive smile or someone who looks like they might know how you feel, and instead, you get disapproving glares, shaking heads and a chorus of tut-tuts. And this is from mothers, grand-mothers and not-quite-yet mothers?!
Have you all forgotten? Have you blocked it from your memory in the hope that you can pretend to your friends, daughters and daughters-in-law that your child NEVER dared behave like that? Well I call your bluff, they did. They all do.
The old adage is true, "Do not judge someone until you have walked in their shoes". If you don't yet have a 3 year old, then please; "Do not judge, lest ye be judged harsher"! It's the hormones, and unless you're willing to have your child's endocrine system removed it is better to be prepared than kid yourself that you will not succumb to this stage.
Yesterday I saw a mother who, in my opinion, is a champion. Her beautiful little 3-year-old was being, well... a 3-year-old; she did the best thing anyone can do for a little boy in this situation. She gave an instruction with a consequence, and when he didn't respond favourably she FOLLOWED THROUGH! She took him home kicking and screaming, it was heavenly! She said she was embarrassed, but I made sure she knew I thought she was a hero. Before this child reaches the seemingly elusive age of 4, he will be a wonderful little member of society. Stick with it, persevere and never give up; you will beat the tantrum...eventually!
I want to encourage anyone who is reading this to take the time to give a little support to mums-of-3s that you may come across and let them know with a smile or a well-meaning word. My desire is to champion a movement of parents who purposefully support each other in this difficult task of parenting.
Cheers
Saturday 10 March 2012
Back in the groove
Sometimes you just get buried under life. I constantly have people making comments to me like; "I don't know how you do it", "you're amazing!" and other equally undeserved statements. My response is always the same; one day at a time.
5 children or 2, business owner or stay-at-homer - the job of being a parent is THE hardest on Earth. I don't care if you're a brain surgeon or world leader, if you don't get this job right, the rest will all go to hay! We (well I do anyway!) feel guilty about everything we do (Am I disciplining appropriately?) and don't do (I don't spend enough time helping with homework!). We strive for perfection and get angry at ourselves when we don't quite get there. We compare (DON'T!!) ourselves to everyone else and wish we had or did or managed the way someone else does.
The truth is, we are all on a journey of discovery, and we won't always get it right. I don't have all the answers, a few I believe I have nutted out, but every day I try something new and learn through the process. I don't feel worthy when people praise me for what I do every day, because I fumble through most days and fall into bed at the end of it. I think I have learned though, that the key is to tackle each day individually and don't look too far ahead, use a weekly planner and always expect a spanner to be hurled into the mix.
This week, my family and I headed off for a 3 night hiatus, and I feel like I have gained a new vigor that I had felt slipping for quite a while now. We stayed at www.angourierainforest.com.au inYamba, and it was an awesome place for the kids to have fun and for us to relax. We were able to just be a family without commitment to the world around us and it was just what the doctor ordered (literally).
Sometimes you just need to stop and look at the big picture, to appreciate what you have around you and to get yourself into the position to dive straight back into your life. So, here I am, ready for whatever life sees fit to throw at me on my journey, and hoping that I manage to doggy-paddle to the other side.
Cheers
5 children or 2, business owner or stay-at-homer - the job of being a parent is THE hardest on Earth. I don't care if you're a brain surgeon or world leader, if you don't get this job right, the rest will all go to hay! We (well I do anyway!) feel guilty about everything we do (Am I disciplining appropriately?) and don't do (I don't spend enough time helping with homework!). We strive for perfection and get angry at ourselves when we don't quite get there. We compare (DON'T!!) ourselves to everyone else and wish we had or did or managed the way someone else does.
The truth is, we are all on a journey of discovery, and we won't always get it right. I don't have all the answers, a few I believe I have nutted out, but every day I try something new and learn through the process. I don't feel worthy when people praise me for what I do every day, because I fumble through most days and fall into bed at the end of it. I think I have learned though, that the key is to tackle each day individually and don't look too far ahead, use a weekly planner and always expect a spanner to be hurled into the mix.
This week, my family and I headed off for a 3 night hiatus, and I feel like I have gained a new vigor that I had felt slipping for quite a while now. We stayed at www.angourierainforest.com.au inYamba, and it was an awesome place for the kids to have fun and for us to relax. We were able to just be a family without commitment to the world around us and it was just what the doctor ordered (literally).
Sometimes you just need to stop and look at the big picture, to appreciate what you have around you and to get yourself into the position to dive straight back into your life. So, here I am, ready for whatever life sees fit to throw at me on my journey, and hoping that I manage to doggy-paddle to the other side.
Cheers
Sunday 4 March 2012
Boys and girls
I have always been intrigued by the differences between genders in children. I suppose that's partly to do with having only boys and wondering what we're "missing out on". One thing that stands out to me with my boys is that they are quick to fight but forgive effortlessly. When I was teaching I found that girls held onto the hurt a little longer (especially from about 8 years old). Of course even amongst the same gender there are variances. I would love to know if those of you with children of both genders in your family have stories of obvious gender differences. I have always given my boys toys that are specific for both genders; they have played with trucks and Lego and dolls and prams. I have noticed though, that they have always had a 'natural' preference towards the male-stereotyped toys. Have you seen boys running around at the park with a stick that has been transformed into an AK-47 by some very imaginative little boy! I promise we have not encouraged or condoned this! Somewhere deep in their inherent being, they have found the primitive desire to act out an attack on people and things. At Funkee Monkees on Saturday we had 3 girl's parties, and the noticeable result was an increased level of high-pitched squealing. A quote from the father of one of the offending squealers was "you never get use to that". I am sure he's right, and I am glad I'll never know, but there is going to be a plethora of boy won't-get-use-tos that I will go through before my parenting days are done.
Cheers
Cheers
Friday 2 March 2012
Welcome to Monkee Chatter
http://www.funkeemonkees.com.au
Hello
Thanks for dropping in!
Welcome to a place where mums and dads and grandparents and anyone who wants to vent/rant/advise/be advised/cry/scream about kids, can!
I want to let you know about what I have learned on my scary ride of parenting, and what I see every day in my worklife.
A little about me; I am Rachel, 36, wife and mum of 5 boys (aged 6 months to nearly 10), owner of Funkee Monkees Cafe and Playcentre, primary school teacher.
I don't profess to know everything about parenting, but I have got a lot of mum kilometres on the clock, and I am so fortunate to be able to talk to so many amazing mums every single day.
I love hearing everyone's different story; from pregnancy and child-birth stories to how do you live with the humiliation of a public tantrum. I want to share some of the stories and anecdotes that I hear and see at Funkee Monkees and in my own house!
I have opinions, and I hope sometimes I'm helpful and that you get a laugh, or advice, or let some steam out from reading what I have to say and telling me your stories too.
Cheers
Rachel
Hello
Thanks for dropping in!
Welcome to a place where mums and dads and grandparents and anyone who wants to vent/rant/advise/be advised/cry/scream about kids, can!
I want to let you know about what I have learned on my scary ride of parenting, and what I see every day in my worklife.
A little about me; I am Rachel, 36, wife and mum of 5 boys (aged 6 months to nearly 10), owner of Funkee Monkees Cafe and Playcentre, primary school teacher.
I don't profess to know everything about parenting, but I have got a lot of mum kilometres on the clock, and I am so fortunate to be able to talk to so many amazing mums every single day.
I love hearing everyone's different story; from pregnancy and child-birth stories to how do you live with the humiliation of a public tantrum. I want to share some of the stories and anecdotes that I hear and see at Funkee Monkees and in my own house!
I have opinions, and I hope sometimes I'm helpful and that you get a laugh, or advice, or let some steam out from reading what I have to say and telling me your stories too.
Cheers
Rachel
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