Friday, 30 March 2012

Mum knows best

Babies are amazing.  When you think about how much they have to learn in such a short time, we should be (and we usually are) in awe of them.  Having watched (and watching) my 5 boys go from useless to super-functional has been exciting and the best part is every single one of them have been different.

They have achieved new things in different orders, different ways and to different levels of ability.  One example is the first tooth; Harrison's first tooth came at 10 months, Connor was 8 months, Declan was 6 months, Hamish was 9 months, and Aedan is 7 months and still waiting!  My nephew was over 1 year before he got his first tooth and we all know the stories about babies who have been born with a tooth or two.  My point is, they all get them, but there is no definite and correct age for that to happen.  It works for everything that our little ones do; from rolling their little bodies over to saying their first full sentence.  I remember Declan rolling over at 4 weeks old and speaking in sentences at 18 months; and yet one of the others didn't roll til 12 weeks and another didn't speak well til about 2 and a half.

My advice is not to worry about it until you need to worry about it.  What I am trying to say is always keep a Mother's Eye on your growing baby, toddler and young child; but don't ever, ever, ever compare your child to someone else's, or even your other children.  I have learned that if there is something not quite right with your child, that Mothers (and Fathers too), just know!  Don't succumb to peer pressure and get involved in competition with those who think first is best.  Your baby's brain is developing as it should, and it is such an amazing and complex thing that a brain could not possibly do things the same way twice, there are just too many neurons and synapses to map the same course again.  While one baby's brain is surging ahead in the learn how to crawl area, the next baby's brain is working on speech.

But always trust your instinct.
I have two examples of this, which I have experienced (both with the same child, coincidentally).  When Declan was about 14 months old, I picked him up from child care and his arm was hanging by his side and every time I touched him, he would whimper.  Knowing my own child (and how oblivious to pain he usually was) I knew that something wasn't right.  Off I went to the emergency room (I know it so well now!) and told the doctor (how dare I!) that I believed that Declan's arm was broken.  He spent so little time looking at it (and squeezing it) and then stated arrogantly "It's not broken! He has had a dislocated elbow, but it has popped back in!"  I disagreed with him because another one of my boy's had that wonderful experience, and this was very different.  Even the nurse tried to interject with the suggestion of an x-ray, but he would have none of it!  We were sent home, but the next day those niggling, mother doubts were telling me that the doctor was wrong.  I went to my GP, who agreed with me and sent Declan for an xray.  There it was!  Both bones were fractured!  My GP phoned ahead and we were met at the front desk by the head of emergency (damage control!) and she plastered Declan's arm herself.
My next example is a long story, and I'm sure I'll mention it many times in future posts.   But just briefly, when Declan was 18 months old we noticed that his behaviour was becoming quite challenging.  He was very easy to tantrum and very defiant.  Being number 3 was fortunate for him, because we had a little bit of experience as parents.  Our first child was very easy (and still is - so far!) but number two had given us a run for our money; but this was different.  We didn't worry too much, but we did keep a Mother's Eye on him.  He got worse... and worse... and worse, and all through this time we had a lot of people giving advice and opinions including families, friends, a psychologist and our GP.  Eventually, to cut a very long story short, we went to a psychiatrist and Declan (who is 6 years old now) has now been diagnosed with ADHD and is taking medication to assist his behaviour.  It is working so well, and I thank God every day for giving me the strength to push on for his diagnosis.
I just knew.

Now, back to where I was going.  Accept (and embrace) that your child will be different to everyone else in the world, don't let other people put doubts into your head, and at the same time don't let them dissuade you from your own feelings of concern.

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