Whenever I tell people I have 5 children I am greeted with something akin to incredule! When I tell them they are all boys there is a second sharp intake of breath. I am told often that Mothers of many boys go straight to Heaven (one can hope I suppose) and other consolatory platitudes. It's sweet, but I don't believe there is a multiplying factor, once you are a parent you deserve to be commended. I always wanted a large family and eventually I talked Andrew into it too. I was perfectly happy with my 4 boys, then I got a bonus with Aedan. I'm often asked if I was trying for a girl, but I never have.
I don't believe there is a perfect number, and I have heard so many different stories about family size. There is controversy too! (but I guess there is always someone ready to criticise everyone about something!) Some say it's putting strain on the planet others say we need more of the younger generations to help support our country as our population ages. Some parents feel pressure from family to have more or less children. Honestly, I believe it is something highly personal, in fact, you can't really get much more personal.
There are absolutely positives and negatives for every case. Personally, I look into the future and see lots of family get-togethers with lots of grandchildren (I guess we'll see about that). I hope that my boys all stay close and have a big network of support and friendship. At the moment though it is bloody hard work. The question I hear most is; "How do you do it?" and my answer is always "one day at a time", and that is true, if you asked me what I was doing next Tuesday, I couldn't tell you until next Monday evening! Each day is exhausting because listening to 5 children, talking to 5 children and disciplining 5 children is exactly 5 times harder than doing it with 1.
Honestly, there are days when I ask myself why I have 5 children and think about how lovely it would be to do life with 1 or 2 little ones to care for, but when I look at each face I already know the answer. I have a very dear friend who is a generation older that me, and I remember talking to her about the decision to have a 3rd baby, I really felt like I wanted to have another one and I was concerned that I would never stop having this desire to have another baby. She told me that she had felt the same way after her second child but after her third, the feeling went away and she felt complete. Obviously, I went ahead and had number three but I still felt the same way, and finally after number four I knew what she meant. I was satisfied and very happy with 4.
I have friends who say they felt the exact same way, but some have felt it at 1, 2, 3, 4 and to a much lesser extent 5 and more! I have no advice to give on the right number because I can only speak from personal experience, but if you would like to tell us about your family dynamics I would love to hear about how the number of children you have affects your life.
Saturday 21 April 2012
Thursday 12 April 2012
Manners matter
Excuse me for this post, I am going to rant! I have noticed that there is a movement towards throwing common courtesy out the window. Maybe I'm just getting cynical in my old age, but it seems that every day of my life I come across someone who believes it is okay to treat others around them as though they are insignificant.
It's not just the younger generations either; it seems to be proliferating from everywhere. My concern, though, is our children. I believe it is VITAL for parents to start a child's life with ENFORCING please, thank you, excuse me and sorry. I have capitalised the two words above because I feel strongly that it has to be done and done without relent. Every single time a child is offered or asks for something there needs to be a mandatory please or thank you in order for the deal to be closed, or complacency will set in. Children learn by repetition and we are their first and most important teachers.
I may sound over-dramatic but without a foundation there is nothing to build on. There is nothing wrong with respecting others, it isn't infringing on their rights as human beings (that seems to be an excuse for not having to do many things these days) in fact isn't "treating others as we wish to be treated" making the world a better place for all of us?
A lady (???) bumped into me last week and she looked at me with contempt. I was floored, I was wholly expecting a "sorry" I even had the words "no worries" ready to speak. Okay, she may have been having the worst day of her life and I try to remember that every time someone disappoints me in the manners department, but come on!
These little things make the people who help us, serve us and put themselves out for us deserve our appreciation and respect. I would love to see a waiter take a plate away from a diner who didn't say thank you!
If my 3 oldest boys don't spontaneously give a please, thank you and excuse me when it is necessary there are consequences. Hamish needs reminding now and again, but he has a bit of time to get there. I want my boys to be grateful for everything they are given; tangible or intangible. Every gift, opportunity or experience. We are all on this earth together, I think it's time people stopped thinking they inhabit the planet on their own.
Sorry if I have been too political.
It's not just the younger generations either; it seems to be proliferating from everywhere. My concern, though, is our children. I believe it is VITAL for parents to start a child's life with ENFORCING please, thank you, excuse me and sorry. I have capitalised the two words above because I feel strongly that it has to be done and done without relent. Every single time a child is offered or asks for something there needs to be a mandatory please or thank you in order for the deal to be closed, or complacency will set in. Children learn by repetition and we are their first and most important teachers.
I may sound over-dramatic but without a foundation there is nothing to build on. There is nothing wrong with respecting others, it isn't infringing on their rights as human beings (that seems to be an excuse for not having to do many things these days) in fact isn't "treating others as we wish to be treated" making the world a better place for all of us?
A lady (???) bumped into me last week and she looked at me with contempt. I was floored, I was wholly expecting a "sorry" I even had the words "no worries" ready to speak. Okay, she may have been having the worst day of her life and I try to remember that every time someone disappoints me in the manners department, but come on!
These little things make the people who help us, serve us and put themselves out for us deserve our appreciation and respect. I would love to see a waiter take a plate away from a diner who didn't say thank you!
If my 3 oldest boys don't spontaneously give a please, thank you and excuse me when it is necessary there are consequences. Hamish needs reminding now and again, but he has a bit of time to get there. I want my boys to be grateful for everything they are given; tangible or intangible. Every gift, opportunity or experience. We are all on this earth together, I think it's time people stopped thinking they inhabit the planet on their own.
Sorry if I have been too political.
Wednesday 11 April 2012
Celebrating the individual
This time I'm asking for advice!
It has amazed me that all of my boys have such different gifts and abilities. Connor (8 years old) has an unbelievable ability to draw (and he can sing too!)
Declan sat down to draw a picture a few days ago, and it was a perfectly fine drawing for a 6 year old (in fact probably better than I could do) but even he noticed that it wasn't a masterpiece like Connor always manages to produce, and he got quite upset about it. I praised him, and told him it was a fabulous picture, and I put it on the fridge. It didn't fool him though, it didn't make him feel any better.
Yes, we always talk about Connor's drawing ability, but I'm sure I put as much enthusiasm into Declan's praise. We always talk about the things that each of us are good at, and make a point of praising each member of our family's uniqueness. I guess it's a pretty big status symbol to be good at drawing at their age! Can't say that I know anything about that, because I have never been able to draw a stick figure with any success, but I can remember being at school and being in awe of the drawings of my peers. I could write a mean poem, though!
When I was teaching I always encouraged children to find their "thing", whether it be a sport, an academic ability, an ability in one of the arts or having altruistic tendencies....whatever! I was the first one to tell my students I can't draw, play sports to any ability level and so many other things, but I can spell, write and know my times tables back to front!
My point is, how do you celebrate one child, without making the other feel a little left out. "Every dog has his day", and I'm the first one to tell my kids to "get over it". But sometimes even a hardened mum like myself, feels pangs of sympathy for them. I am certainly not a parent who gives the other children "a little something" on their sibling's birthday. I do believe that children need to learn that it's not all about them in this world. I try to spend a little bit of quality time with each of them individually (with 5 of them it really is a "little" bit), but I'm really not sure what else I can do.
He probably doesn't even remember the picture or the feelings he had about it, but I would like to feel a little more confident about what to do next time this situation pops up with the boys. Can I add, I am soooo not looking forward to the whole girlfriends season of life!!!
It has amazed me that all of my boys have such different gifts and abilities. Connor (8 years old) has an unbelievable ability to draw (and he can sing too!)
Declan sat down to draw a picture a few days ago, and it was a perfectly fine drawing for a 6 year old (in fact probably better than I could do) but even he noticed that it wasn't a masterpiece like Connor always manages to produce, and he got quite upset about it. I praised him, and told him it was a fabulous picture, and I put it on the fridge. It didn't fool him though, it didn't make him feel any better.
Yes, we always talk about Connor's drawing ability, but I'm sure I put as much enthusiasm into Declan's praise. We always talk about the things that each of us are good at, and make a point of praising each member of our family's uniqueness. I guess it's a pretty big status symbol to be good at drawing at their age! Can't say that I know anything about that, because I have never been able to draw a stick figure with any success, but I can remember being at school and being in awe of the drawings of my peers. I could write a mean poem, though!
When I was teaching I always encouraged children to find their "thing", whether it be a sport, an academic ability, an ability in one of the arts or having altruistic tendencies....whatever! I was the first one to tell my students I can't draw, play sports to any ability level and so many other things, but I can spell, write and know my times tables back to front!
My point is, how do you celebrate one child, without making the other feel a little left out. "Every dog has his day", and I'm the first one to tell my kids to "get over it". But sometimes even a hardened mum like myself, feels pangs of sympathy for them. I am certainly not a parent who gives the other children "a little something" on their sibling's birthday. I do believe that children need to learn that it's not all about them in this world. I try to spend a little bit of quality time with each of them individually (with 5 of them it really is a "little" bit), but I'm really not sure what else I can do.
He probably doesn't even remember the picture or the feelings he had about it, but I would like to feel a little more confident about what to do next time this situation pops up with the boys. Can I add, I am soooo not looking forward to the whole girlfriends season of life!!!
Monday 9 April 2012
Little Mrs Not-So-Perfect
Well according to every ad on TV I am sorely lacking in every way, shape and form! Have you noticed that every mother who is depicted in ads look absolutely stunning (don't count the RACQ ads!) has an immaculate house, dresses their children impeccably, makes gourmet meals for dinner every night and has a husband who gazes at them lovingly whilst she wipes away the one little smudge on the stove top that she carelessly plopped there in a moment of imperfection. Oh, and she never raises her voice or stops smiling.
Bahaha!
I hope I'm correct in my assumption that I am not the only one whose life is so far from this depiction and that others also become mildly irritated every time one shows up in the middle of The Biggest Loser or Revenge! I know that it's all marketing (Zali, you know how they roll) but it does nothing for the self-esteem of hard-working, every-day mums.
I'm going to be honest, and tell you that my kitchen is not always cleaned up straight after dinner and my benches are full of broken toys that I said I'd fix months ago, school notes and awards, baby bottles and this week Easter egg wrappers! I aspire to have a clutter-free kitchen, with only a bowl full of ripe fruit as adornment, but I constantly fail. My lounge room is a conglomerate of DVDs out of their case, Wii remotes and matchbox toys (at the moment there is no lego or random bits of junk because Aedan would have them in his mouth in a flash). My double garage only fits one car. The kid's bathroom is rarely without toothpaste splatters on the mirror and we won't talk about their toilet (4 boys remember!) I have been to many friend's homes that look exactly like mine and I still respect all of them and think of them as amazing women and fantastic mothers.
It's taken me a long time to get to the place where I've stopped giving myself a hard time about my household imperfection. I remember (and I still occasionally have a mini-breakdown about the mess or the pile of washing at the end of my bed) letting myself get worked-up about the chaos around me and wasting so much energy on criticising myself. Finally, after a decade of being a mother, I am comfortable with choosing other things as my priorities. I have chosen my business (because I have to). I have chosen my family (because I love them). I have chosen going to the gym (because I need to and I love it).
My husband couldn't care less and in-fact has been the biggest advocate for "getting over it", and I have started to worry less about what my Mother thinks (yes okay, I do a mad dash around before she gets here!) My boys are absolutely oblivious to mess (aagghhhh!) and they do not know what a washing basket is, so they certainly don't think any less of me. My biggest critic is me and I am trying hard to let go of the unobtainable image of perfection that my TV keeps showing me and although I find the RACQ ads so utterly annoying http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKin2cSnb5Q, part of me likes to think they're closer to reality than that ad with the disposable anti-bacterial kitchen wipes. I can't believe I wipe my benches with a cloth!
Bahaha!
I hope I'm correct in my assumption that I am not the only one whose life is so far from this depiction and that others also become mildly irritated every time one shows up in the middle of The Biggest Loser or Revenge! I know that it's all marketing (Zali, you know how they roll) but it does nothing for the self-esteem of hard-working, every-day mums.
I'm going to be honest, and tell you that my kitchen is not always cleaned up straight after dinner and my benches are full of broken toys that I said I'd fix months ago, school notes and awards, baby bottles and this week Easter egg wrappers! I aspire to have a clutter-free kitchen, with only a bowl full of ripe fruit as adornment, but I constantly fail. My lounge room is a conglomerate of DVDs out of their case, Wii remotes and matchbox toys (at the moment there is no lego or random bits of junk because Aedan would have them in his mouth in a flash). My double garage only fits one car. The kid's bathroom is rarely without toothpaste splatters on the mirror and we won't talk about their toilet (4 boys remember!) I have been to many friend's homes that look exactly like mine and I still respect all of them and think of them as amazing women and fantastic mothers.
It's taken me a long time to get to the place where I've stopped giving myself a hard time about my household imperfection. I remember (and I still occasionally have a mini-breakdown about the mess or the pile of washing at the end of my bed) letting myself get worked-up about the chaos around me and wasting so much energy on criticising myself. Finally, after a decade of being a mother, I am comfortable with choosing other things as my priorities. I have chosen my business (because I have to). I have chosen my family (because I love them). I have chosen going to the gym (because I need to and I love it).
My husband couldn't care less and in-fact has been the biggest advocate for "getting over it", and I have started to worry less about what my Mother thinks (yes okay, I do a mad dash around before she gets here!) My boys are absolutely oblivious to mess (aagghhhh!) and they do not know what a washing basket is, so they certainly don't think any less of me. My biggest critic is me and I am trying hard to let go of the unobtainable image of perfection that my TV keeps showing me and although I find the RACQ ads so utterly annoying http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKin2cSnb5Q, part of me likes to think they're closer to reality than that ad with the disposable anti-bacterial kitchen wipes. I can't believe I wipe my benches with a cloth!
Saturday 7 April 2012
The elusive perfect lunchbox
Those of you who have school-age children or little ones in child care, know that keeping the lunchbox filled with healthy, economical items that they will actually eat is a huge challenge. I count the "lunchbox years" that I have left, and it fills me with dread. I can handle the never-ending loads of washing and every other aspect of taking care of my children until they reach adulthood, but the lunchbox is especially challenging for me.
It doesn't help that all 4 of my boys have different dislikes (and I often get in trouble for sending the wrong items with the wrong child) and then there are the regulations that the school has in place. Not only do we have to send what they consider healthy food, but we also have to refrain from sending foods that other children have allergies to. Now don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy to do that, but it does add to the challenge. For instance, my boys love having a boiled egg in their lunch, but now that there is 1 child at the school with an egg allergy, that needs to be crossed off the list.
I have lunchbox staples (which I always buy at Aldi, because they are so much better and cheaper than the other supermarkets - more praising of Aldi another time), which are good when you wake up at 6 in the morning and have to come up with 4 lunches in the least amount of time possible! Cheesesticks, yoghurt, fruit, sultanas, rice crackers and a vegemite sandwich (but of course to make it difficult, number 1 doesn't like the rice crackers and number 2 doesn't like cheesesticks, yoghurt, sultanas or rice crackers!). Other items I throw in to mix it up a bit are cans of tuna, cans of corn kernels,carrot sticks, avocado and cream cheese with crackers, cherry tomatoes and any leftovers that don't need reheating.
I always have a peek in other kid's lunchboxes to try and "steal" ideas. One interesting idea I found last week was precooked ravioli (no sauce) in a Tupperware container. I'm going to precook a whole packet, split it up and freeze it, ready to go. I'll tell you how it goes.
I checked out a few different sites that give lunchbox ideas and they were interesting, but everything I looked at was high in shopping and preparation time. If you are a mum who is lucky enough to have time to spend on amazing lunches, this is the website for you! http://www.freshforkids.com.au/lunch_box/lunch_box.html
I got a couple of ideas; like pikelets (I'm sure Aldi sells those too) and a recipe for sweetcorn and zucchini fritters which I am going to try.
http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/16086/sweetcorn+and+zucchini+fritters
I occasionally make a slice or mini-muffins to freeze and put in the lunch box through the week, but honestly, I just don't have the time. I've gotten over feeling guilty about that, but I do feel like the world's best mum when I do! I sometimes put a note in there saying "I love you" or something cute like that; surely that makes up for the less-than-gourmet lunches!
If you have any ideas that you would like to share, please do!
It doesn't help that all 4 of my boys have different dislikes (and I often get in trouble for sending the wrong items with the wrong child) and then there are the regulations that the school has in place. Not only do we have to send what they consider healthy food, but we also have to refrain from sending foods that other children have allergies to. Now don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy to do that, but it does add to the challenge. For instance, my boys love having a boiled egg in their lunch, but now that there is 1 child at the school with an egg allergy, that needs to be crossed off the list.
I have lunchbox staples (which I always buy at Aldi, because they are so much better and cheaper than the other supermarkets - more praising of Aldi another time), which are good when you wake up at 6 in the morning and have to come up with 4 lunches in the least amount of time possible! Cheesesticks, yoghurt, fruit, sultanas, rice crackers and a vegemite sandwich (but of course to make it difficult, number 1 doesn't like the rice crackers and number 2 doesn't like cheesesticks, yoghurt, sultanas or rice crackers!). Other items I throw in to mix it up a bit are cans of tuna, cans of corn kernels,carrot sticks, avocado and cream cheese with crackers, cherry tomatoes and any leftovers that don't need reheating.
I always have a peek in other kid's lunchboxes to try and "steal" ideas. One interesting idea I found last week was precooked ravioli (no sauce) in a Tupperware container. I'm going to precook a whole packet, split it up and freeze it, ready to go. I'll tell you how it goes.
I checked out a few different sites that give lunchbox ideas and they were interesting, but everything I looked at was high in shopping and preparation time. If you are a mum who is lucky enough to have time to spend on amazing lunches, this is the website for you! http://www.freshforkids.com.au/lunch_box/lunch_box.html
I got a couple of ideas; like pikelets (I'm sure Aldi sells those too) and a recipe for sweetcorn and zucchini fritters which I am going to try.
http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/16086/sweetcorn+and+zucchini+fritters
I occasionally make a slice or mini-muffins to freeze and put in the lunch box through the week, but honestly, I just don't have the time. I've gotten over feeling guilty about that, but I do feel like the world's best mum when I do! I sometimes put a note in there saying "I love you" or something cute like that; surely that makes up for the less-than-gourmet lunches!
If you have any ideas that you would like to share, please do!
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